It's been a long year of cleaning out my closet.And the only things left are the bare essentials.
I'm kind of obsessed with hitting the metaphorical Refresh button on my life.
But while maybe younger me did this in order to cut things out, current me is doing this in order to call the important things in.
I used to think that not naming my goals came from a desire to stay open and spontaneous with life. To not get tied down. To keep the mind spongey and ready for change at any instant.
And while I still fundamentally believe all of this, I am challenging myself to examine something deeper. The truth is I never concretely named my goals because, at the bottom of it all, there was a fear that I would never reach them.
You can't miss what you never longed for in the first place.
So now I'm calling myself out, in order to call myself in. One step at a time...
Step one is to name it.
Step two is to believe it. To visualize it. To see it.
Step three is to align my actions, my day to day, to achieve it.
This is what I was afraid to do, cuz I was stuck even before step one began. I looked at the future purposely short-sighted. On the surface telling myself that what life has planned for me is even greater than my imagination, but on a deeper level avoiding the responsibility of actually building the future I want to live in, right now.
What I ultimately realized is that if we can't imagine new futures, we cannot create them. And when we relinquish the responsibility of creating those futures, we inevitably recreate and remix the past not knowing that we're traveling in a closed loop circle until we end up, back in the same place, wondering how we got there all over again.
So I'm calling in my future.
Both the energetic and spiritual, and the tangible and material.
And it's happening.
✨ I've centered my intentions around my acting career and I'm happy to share that I have recently signed with a manager.
✨ I've doubled my efforts to be in loving, honest connection with my family of origin and I am witnessing our relationship grow deeper, sturdier roots.
✨ I'm finally saying yes to a calling of many years to be a doula, and my first client gives birth this week.
So this is the point where calling it in involves cutting things out. Because to name what I want is to be specific. And to be specific is to be focused. And with focus, nothing extraneous serves.
And one of those things is this newsletter. A sweet space for reflection once upon a time, but now it sits largely untouched - a growing mailing list with no one to send the letter.
I'm writing this now because a number of you have kept in contact with me via this newsletter for a significant period of time. I want to:
1. Thank you for witnessing my growth and transformation over these last few years
2. Let you know that you won't be finding me in your inboxes anymore
In my effort to be intentional with my use of technology, I am trimming the ways that I engage online because my internet capacity is finite.
However, if my online presence has felt nourishing, loving, or useful to you in any way, you can still find me on the internet in the following ways:
1. My personal Instagram! This is probably where I'm the most active. Sharing thoughts, feels, poems and probably where the most news regarding my acting career will be posted. You can find me on Instagram @poppyrepublic
2. If you're not on Instagram but you are on Facebook, I'm not as active here but I do repost things I have shared onto my FB page. You can find me on FB here.
3. Collective Sex related social media! This is where most of my community organizing and producing lives. It also includes art, activism and poetry from my queer, tgnc and qtpoc communities. You can find Collective Sex @collectivesex on Instagram and Facebook.
The above social media feels like my absolute capacity at this moment as far as engaging with the internet in a social way.
The rest of my time is spent watering my plants, sleeping 8 hours a day, spending time with my friends and families, and being in right relation with myself.
I hope that my naming and sharing of my online boundaries makes space for you to consider and examine yours too!
I believe in all of you :) thank you for believing in me too.